All Beef Patty

This season, I have come to expect disappointment from America’s Got Talent. Most of the acts that made it this far do not deserve to be performing on a national stage in front of millions. They are just not good enough. Some have promise, but are very unpolished. Some are just outright horrible to the point that I feel sorry that they were given so much false hope. Some are good, but they serve as only a mildly pleasant surprise. The  competition is far easier for them than it should be. The performances this season have repeatedly come up short. Tuesday night’s show was no exception.

The Untouchables
The Untouchables is a dance group made up of many kids, some as young as 8-years old. They are technically skilled dancers, but they are very underwhelming. They weren’t terrible or great. They were just boring. Their only hook seems to be that they are coached by members of former AGT contestants, The Miami All Stars,  and that they want to “make the family proud.” The sad part is, I’m sure they did. This season, an act can afford to be sub-par and still have a shot at advancing. I don’t think they will, but you never know with how this season has been.

Rockstar Juggler Mike Price
I don’t even know why Mike Price got a shot. If it was up to me, I would not have even considered him for the live rounds. He probably should not have even made it to Vegas. He is a juggler that has failed on AGT more times than he has succeeded. In his package, he claimed he can go years without dropping a prop. This was in reference to his drop at the initial auditions. Apparently, it was just a fluke. It’s no use believing that now. Price dropped his props again tonight. He used a unicycle and torches lit on fire for the sake of making it a show. He couldn’t even come close to doing that. He never really deserved a shot winning the competition. His act is too small. However, I would have some respect for him if he was a skilled juggler. He clearly isn’t.

Inspire The Fire
I have never been a fan of Inspire The Fire. They rely too much on their humanitarianism and tend to downplay thier singing and dancing abilities. As it turns out, that may have been a good move. The group has a story, but it simply does not have much talent. Inspire The Fire performed a horrible cover of Katy Perry’s “Firework.” It was off-key and flat the whole time. Not to mention, someone took a fall when the group was dancing. I really don’t know what they were doing in Newark. It’s not where they belong. The group loves what they do and they have passion, but that isn’t enough. Inspire The Fire can try to keep the inspiration alive, but it is doubtful they are going to inspire America to keep them in the competition.

Cristin Sandu
Cristin Sandu utterly failed during his balancing act last night. He set up his platform, stood on it, and fell off. There isn’t much else to say about the performance. It just goes to show him how humiliating live television can be. I always found the concept of his act required a slow set up and was boring, but he did show a talent nonetheless. Despite being pretty much eliminated from consideration last night, I have a feeling Sandu might be brought back for the wildcard rounds. America obviously didn’t get to see what he has to offer even though it still might not be much.

Elusive
Elusive is a break dancer with somewhat wild and disorganized moves. He has obviously satisfied the judges, though I’m not sure why exactly. Like so many acts, his spot in The Top 48 is questionable. Then again, the fact that there are 48 spots in the Top 48 for this group of performers should also be questioned. Elusive is not a bad dancer, but he doesn’t have a great stage presence. When he danced to James Brown’s “Superbad”, everything seemed a bit forced. He was trying too hard. Elusive has a little promise, but it looks like his time on AGT is done.

Jake Wesley Rogers 
Most of  Jake Wesley Rogers’ charm seems to come from the fact that he is young and shy. It seems secondary that he is actually a below average singer. Last night, he performed a weird arrangement of Britney Spears’ “Toxic” that did not fit at all. It was slow, deliberate, and a little creepy. Though I doubt another arrangement would have made much of a difference, this one really called attention to Rogers’ mediocre performance. However, he does have his shy charm going for him, illustrated when girls in the audience were audibly screeching after he told Sharon he was 15 years old. Either way, he’s probably finished.

All Wheel Sports
I always found All Wheel Sports to be too chaotic for AGT. Too many things are going on at once and their performances are so difficult to follow. They seem to combine cycling, trampolining dancing, and some form of cheerleading all within a 90 second span. They seemed to be adequate and I do believe Howie when he said it look better in the theater. It was just frustrating not to be able to really judge the performance that well for myself. They were clearly the most skilled at the cycle stunts, so they should focus on that. Despite everything, I wouldn’t be surprised if they advanced.

Wordspit, The Illest!
I maintain my position that Wordspit, The Illest! is sloppy and disorganized. I didn’t have to look further than last night’s performance to prove it. The band performed an original song, which could only increase the chances of confusing the viewer. On top of that, the song was very hard to understand. It was very rapid and the rhythm wasn’t great. Howard loved it for some reason I can’t figure out. They took a risk and it didn’t pay off, but it doesn’t matter. They wouldn’t have deserved to advance anyway.

Jacob Williams
I have been a fan of comedian Jacob Williams from the beginning. His seriously shy offstage persona only makes his awkwardly conversational onstage character seem funnier. His jokes were delivered in such a way that it seemed he made everyone late to the punchline, yet I still laughed. I have to imagine that the most important judge to impress for Williams would be Howie, a professional comedian. Howie said that Williams has a career ahead of him, people are going to remember him, and vote for him. Howie also agreed with a heckler who shouted out “Best act of the night!” Williams may have benefited from a routine that lasted more than a minute and a half, but he still got great reactions from the crowd. At 23, Williams may need a bit more time to perfect his craft, but he’s probably safe in the competition for now.

All Beef Patty
All Beef Patty is a drag queen who sings badly. That’s pretty much all he is. There’s no reason why he should have been given a chance. Like Big Barry, so many people could have advanced instead of him. His singing was flat and his persona was weird.  He is a very camp performer that cannot work a stage at all. I take comfort in the fact that this is his last performance.

Spencer Horsman
I was counting on Spencer Horsman to turn the night around and he couldn’t do it. All anyone saw during his performance was him squirming behind a silhouetted screen. We could not see him escape anything. There was nothing surprising or exciting. I thought Horsman was going to be a bright spot on an otherwise poor night. Instead, he seemed to take away everything that qualified him to be a Vegas act.

Light Wire Theater 
The judges, the audience, and (according to Howie) the Twitterverse all loved Light Wire Theater. I couldn’t help but think it was anything other than an average performance. Very similar light technology has been used on America’s Got Talent before and Light Wire Theater simply isn’t as good. Their dance performance seemed confusing and honestly somewhat tame. They are probably good enough to advance, but there’s only so much more they can do. “Looking cool” is not enough.

Who Will Go Through?
The acts on last night’s AGT were once again inadequate. I feel let down that acts are going to advance that would ordinarily risk elimination. There’s no getting around the fact that this has not been a good season for AGT.  A few isolated good performances can only make up for so much. Nonetheless, Lightwire Theater, Jacob Williams, and All Wheel Sports seem safe. The best guess I have for the fourth spot is Jake Wesley Rogers, but he doesn’t really deserve it.