Monthly Archives: October 2013
It was all about the past on last night’s American Horror Story: Coven, and boy, not much has changed in the lives of these ladies since the 60s and 70s. “Fearful Pranks Ensue” opened and closed with a new AHS addition: full-on, limb-tearing zombies, courtesy of Marie Laveau. Back in 1961, she used a spell to exhume the bodies of the long-dead that forced them on three white men who murdered the son of Cora, one of her hairdressers. Needless to say, each man died a painful, violent death. Back in the present, she starts preparing the same spell after receiving Bastien’s still-blinking head in a box, presumably from the gang over at Miss Robichaux’s. Exactly how they managed to decapitate him, we don’t know. Anyway, Marie wails, overcome with grief and anger and bitterness. One of her hairdressers tries to convince her to stay true to the pact she signed with Annalee a few decades ago, but that truce, Marie said, is over. They’ve moved into life-or-death territory. The zombies – including the body of one of Delphine’s daughters – rise and surround Miss Robichaux’s. Marie sure does revenge well.
It turns out Fiona and Myrtle Snow, played fabulously by Frances Conroy, have some history, too. After Annalee’s murder, Fiona was examined by the witches’ council. She cried and cried and fashioned a story about the former Supreme leaving with a fine bottle of wine, perhaps as a peace offering; she’s trying to throw Marie’s name into the suspect ring, and she succeeds. She also receives some news: Fiona is the new Supreme, but she already knew that, of course. When it’s announced in front of the rest of the school later on, Myrtle is not happy. She knows what Fiona did, and she has the perfect plan to expose her. Spalding has a hearing with the council scheduled for the next day. He’s always “cleaning up Fiona’s messes,” so Myrtle is sure he knows the truth – and she makes it impossible to reveal anything but by casting a spell on his tongue. Somehow, though, he knew. He has Fiona meet him in a bathroom, where he says he wants his last words to be a declaration of love; he cuts out his own tongue so as not to betray Fiona.
After a surprising no elimination last week on Dancing with the Stars, the competition is turning up a notch. Week seven not only brought the tears and the injuries, but threw in learning two dances as well. Tom Bergeron mentioned that next week guest judge, Cher, will perform and give her feedback to the contestants. If that isn’t scary enough, the countdown is nearing the end to see who will win the coveted mirror ball trophy.
Elizabeth Berkley, who received the first thirty of the season last week, performed the quick step. The dance was very quirky because of the character’s personalities and the dance was dealing with U.F.O.s. Len Goodman said this was a true U.F.O: “Utterly Full On; full of content.” This was a great dance to start the show as he also points out. The judges agreed and gave Elizabeth 9s across the board, totaling a 27 out of 30.
Brant Daugherty’s goofy sense of humor certainly didn’t disappoint in his jive. Even though, he had a few tiny slip ups, such as slipping on his dance partner’s skirt, Brant continued to have a good time with the dance. Carrie Ann felt that “this dance was a bit to challenging for him”. The judges decided to give Brant all 9s for a total of 27 out of 30.
Every fall, a new TV show arises that millions of people are horrified that it has seen the light of day. The words “American remake” send terror through any anglophile’s heart the same way it does with “cancelled.” While everyone else is cowering in the corner watching some maniac serial killer movie marathon, we watch our beloved British TV shows being butchered by American hands. Which leave us all wondering: are any of these remakes really necessary?
I, like millions of other Americans, have no problem watching British television. British humor is known for being deadpan. Apparently, deadpan is synonymous with “incomprehensible” in the minds of network executives, which causes remakes to dumb down jokes so that Americans can understand them. Having to make jokes more obvious is part of the problem that American remakes fail. We don’t need to be pigeon holed as stupid.
Sunday night’s episode of The Walking Dead, started off with a punch. Literally. Fans gasped as our precious Daryl was attacked by the comic book favorite Tyreese. The most important part of this scene was how Rick reacted. He started punching Tyreese, it was similar to how Shane beat up Carol’s ex-husband: unrestricted and superfluous. Could this be Rick breaking free from his cop past?
If there is one thing that The Walking Dead is good at, it’s drawing things out. In the second season, it took seven episodes to find Sophia. What I’m glad that they didn’t draw out is who burned two people who were infected. Rick did some detective work and approached Carol at the end of the episode. She came clean with little hesitation. Wait, the woman who was abused by her husband and lost her only child did this?
I watched the most recent episode of American Horror Story: Coven, “The Replacements,” about an hour after it aired. Prior to that, I noticed several Facebook/Twitter/what-have-you posts that all echoed the same sentiment: “WTF did I just watch?!” So I prepared myself for a doozy and settled in to watch. Everything seemed relatively normal and I thought, “Hmm, this isn’t so bad,” but halfway through the episode, the freakout began.
Kyle is back at home after Zoe moved him from the second coming of Stevie Nicks’ cabin to his own home where she felt he’d heal better under his mother’s care. Misty, undoubtedly lonely in the woods, grew attached to Kyle and is not totally ready for him to leave, but Zoe takes him anyway. Back at Kyle’s, Mommie Dearest greets him in bed. Earlier, she walked in on him in the shower and noticed his new body parts. Wait, did she just glance down south? Back in the bed, she kisses him and kisses him some more and OH MY GOD THIS IS TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE. SHE’S REACHING UNDER THE COVERS. OH. OKAY. So, Kyle’s mom has been sexually abusing him for an undisclosed amount of time, which is something Zoe might have known had she actually, you know, known him. This continues later on in the episode, giving us Kyle’s first words since his resurrection: he screams “No” over and over again while beating his mom’s face in with an old trophy.
Unlike most game shows, there are two hosts: D.L. Hughley and Michael Ian Black. It’s an unusual setup that works because it seems like the producers will be casting meek contestants, who aren’t entirely comfortable with the jokes and subject matters. The producers are picking people that blush when you mention boobs, so of course they’re not going to be comfortable when D.L. Hughley gives a fact about the first patent for vibrators. While it would be nice to see a contestant hold their own against two comedians, the contestants aren’t the star of the show.
The facade of a game show only serves to allow D.L. and Michael to banter, which gets a little dirty because the show is aired at 10:30 pm on cable. The fact that the Trust Me, I’m a Game Show Host isn’t on network television allows both hosts to curse, tell questionable jokes, and D.L. to crack all the jokes he wants about being a black man. For some reason, that is something D.L. likes to remind the audience. He constantly calls himself “the dark side.” It’s funny the first time. By the five hundredth time, it’s been run into the ground.
Everyone still can’t get over the Christina Milian shocker from last week. She received the highest score of the night, but still went home. It just proves that anything can happen on Dancing with the Stars. Even though one of the best dancer on the show didn’t make it to the half way point, the remaining dancers are that much closer to winning the mirror ball trophy. So how did they do last night?
Bill Engvall did a tango to Jimmy Buffet’s “Cheeseburger in Paradise.” Putting these two odd elements together seemed to make a nice combination. He lost the smoothness in his footwork. I think he was more fixated on wanting that cheeseburger. Len liked how the routine was sharp and had tanginess to it. Carrie Ann and Len gave Bill 8s whereas Bruno gave him a 7, totaling a 23 out of 30.
In last night’s episode of The Walking Dead, the prison is starting to crumble as a safe haven. Outside forces, like the mysterious disease and the growing number of walkers near one spot of the fence, are threatening the whole group. Last week’s episode ended with a new character Patrick getting sick and turning into a walker. This set off a whole chain of events that unfolded last night. Rick theorizes that the illness and the sick animals could be connected. He also notices that the walkers are grouped near the livestock. He then sacrifices the pigs to draw the walkers away from the fence. Problem solved, right?
There is also a new threat within the group. Someone is feeding the walkers live rats, which could be another reason why they crowded in one area. This same person might have been responsible for killing two people that were suspected to have the mystery flu. Since there are so many new people in the prison, this is a recipe for disaster. Last week, Rick learned to stop trusting people. This lesson is probably going to spread to everyone in the original group. This is evident because Rick and Carl are carrying guns again.
Even though there’s a recall election, the Leslie Knope committee is still campaigning in full force, complete with farting dolls for the kids. Leslie’s only down four points in the most recent popularity poll. Her fellow council members, though, want the gap between her and her opponents to grow. They get the perfect opportunity in “Gin It Up” when Donna accidentally sends a wonderfully racy tweet from the parks department Twitter account. Let’s see how they got there.
Leslie and Donna
Jamm, Dexhart, and the other councilmen are trying their hardest to delay all of Leslie’s bills, including cutting their meetings short to prevent her from even presenting them. Just after Jamm straight up tells her he wants her recalled because he doesn’t like her, Chris drops in and to tell her there’s a problem: Donna sent a tweet including the phrase “Hope you like tongue baths, you big nasty fireman” – with eggplant emoji, of course – from the parks department’s Twitter instead of her own. Jamm, of course, found out immediately and called a press conference, promising to blow “Twitter Watergate” way out of proportion.
This week’s episode of American Horror Story: Coven opened up against a classic Louisiana landscape: the bayou. Two poachers hunting gators are hauling a catch up to their camp when they noticed a woman we know as (the recently burned-at-the-stake) Misty Day wandering around. As Stevie Nicks’ “Edge of Seventeen” served as the background music, Day, looking very Nicks-ish herself (more on that later), examines several of their previous kills and lets the hunters know how she feels about their hobby. Given her power of resurrection, it was easy to see where this was going. She brings all of the gators back to life, and they decimate the two men, guilty of murdering innocent creatures for their own personal gain. When we last saw Misty, she was called a necromancer and burned by her God-fearing peers. Now, she’s mentally and physically reborn.
Back at the school, Cordelia gets the girls up and ready for the day. Zoe is still mourning Kyle, but Madison feels he’s just as guilty as his fraternity brothers. Zoe can’t accept that, but Madison assures her he would have died anyway because of Zoe’s power. Fiona, meanwhile, has Madame LaLaurie tied up and gagged in her room. Fiona warns her not to scream, but of course she does. I’m still not exactly sure what she thought this would accomplish. She obviously wants to be helped, but I’d imagine it would be difficult for someone who’s been buried alive for 180 years to navigate the present.