Each year, every country in the European Broadcasting Union gets the chance to participate in Eurovision, which is a singing contest with a penchant for the strange. Western European countries compete for fun. Eastern and Central European countries take the contest seriously because they view it as a show of independence. Of course, this leads to countries like the United Kingdom and Ireland submitting entries with absolutely no chance of winning.

When it comes to bad Eurovision entries, I present Jemni singing “Cry Baby” in 2003 as Exhibit A. It received nul points. You might want to do yourself a favor and not listen to the whole off-key train wreck.

The United Kingdom may not have intentionally sent a terrible act. However, Ireland knew exactly what it was doing when the country sent Dusting the Turkey, a popular children’s television character, to Serbia in 2008.

If you couldn’t make out everything Dustin the Turkey was saying, here are the lyrics.

Irelande Douze Pointe
(Lyrics from LyricsMania.)

Oh, I come from a nation what knows how to write a song.
Oh, Europe where oh where did it all go wrong.
C’mon, Irelande douze pointe!

Drag acts and bad acts and Terry Wogan’s wig.
Mad acts and sad acts, it was Johnny Logan’s gig.

Shake your feathers and bop your beak.
Shake ’em to the west and to the east.
Wave Euro hands and Euro feet.
Wave ’em in the air to the turkey beat.
Irelande douze pointe!
Irelande douze pointe!
Irelande douze pointe!
To the funky beat.

G-o-b gobble b-l-e yeah.
Hello Abba, hello Bono, hello Helsinki,
Hola Prague, hello sailor, c’est la vie,
Auf wiedersehen, mamma mia, and God save the Queen
G’day Austria, bonjour Serbia, you know what I mean.

Shake your feathers and bop your beak.
Shake ’em to the west and to the east.
Wave Euro hands and Euro feet.
Wave ’em in the air to the funky beat.
Irelande douze pointe!
Irelande douze pointe!
Irelande douze pointe!
Irelande douze pointe!
Irelande douze pointe!
Irelande douze pointe!
To the funky beat.

Give us another chance,
We’re sorry for Riverdance.
Sure Flatley, he’s a Yank and the Danube flows through France.
Block votes! Shock votes! Give us your 12 today.
You’re all invited to Dublin, Ireland
And we’ll party the shamrock way.

Irelande douze pointe!
Irelande douze pointe!
Irelande douze pointe!
Irelande douze pointe!
Irelande douze pointe!
Irelande douze pointe!
Irelande douze pointe!
Do the funky beat c’mon.
Irelande douze pointe!
Irelande douze pointe!

Eastern Europe we love you.
Do you like Irish stew?
Or goulash as it is to you?

Irelande douze pointe!
Yes, it’s Bulgaria, we love you Belarus, Georgia,
Montenegro, Moldova, Albania, Croatia, Poland,
Russia, Ukraine, don’t forget Turkey,
Hungary, Estonia, Slovakia, Armenia, Bosnia & Herzegovina
And don’t forget the Swiss…… cheese.